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Everyone leaves me eventually. Why? Why promise me you'll never leave me, even when I say, "No please don't say that, everyone who tells me that leaves me anyways." Then reply with, "But I won't. I'm different. I promise I'll stay by your side no matter what." Don't fucking lie to me. Don't promise me something then break the promise later. That hurts. I have trust issues for a reason, so many people have promised me they will never leave me, only to do the opposite. Why's it so hard for me to maintain a friendship? What's wrong with me?? Everyone leaves me eventually no matter what. Yet I still somehow believe people when they tell me they won't, even though deep inside my heart is screaming, "No don't believe them you'll be broken again!" I still do.. Only to be hurt, of course. Left alone, broken and depressed. Everyone leaves me, I'm bound to be alone. I can't keep a single fucking friendship without doing one thing one rather I actually DO, do something or they're just accusing me, I always do something wrong that makes people wanna leave. Everyone hates me, rather they're just pretending to like me or actually showing to me that they despise me, everyone hates me. Why else would people leave me? I'm such a mess, I'm mistake... What's with with me why do people hate me and leave me? I'm a human with emotions you know. Well, broken, messed up emotions but still.... 😥💔
🔸It is about last night, two days before Eid ul Fitr. Somehow that weird feeling came knocking, asked both siblings, the mind and the heart, to analyze and to feel of what have been missing. The family trip of going by road to a small city in East Java, or the delicious Eid cuisines, or the family, or perhaps simply...all of them. But this is the weird thing, how could I not missing them so much. Have I been used to now of living thousands miles away from 'home'? I looked outside, to horizon out there, to the darkness. "It is not a starry sky, but nevermind. It's a beauty of light in the dark, anyway. And darkness is always beautiful." Just like the darkness that creeps me in, every time I think of home, every time I think of you.🔸 #dark #darkness #beautiful #you